五位常青藤招生官告诉你,为什么她的ps入了世界顶尖大学的法眼

五位常青藤招生官告诉你,为什么她的ps入了世界顶尖大学的法眼

在不久之前,一则关于一个高中女孩拿到5所常青藤外加斯坦福大学的offer的新闻引起了众人的关注。而Business Insider近日刊登了一篇文章,讲述的是几位前常青藤大学的招生人员剖析这份文书的魅力究竟在什么地方。



这位“大神”名叫Brittany Stinson,她之前就在网上与大家分享了自己的申请文书,就是这份文书令她拿到了宾夕法尼亚耶鲁哥伦比亚达特茅斯康奈尔以及斯坦福大学的录取通知书。


在文书当中,她通过讲述自己在小时候去Costco的购物经历反映了自己性格当中对万事万物一直抱有好奇心和强烈的求知欲的特征,既真实又非常俱可读性。




对于这份神奇的文书,相信大家都想一探究竟。所以,Business Insider专门邀请了5位曾经担任常青藤大学招生官的专业人士,他们之前先后曾在康奈尔、哥伦比亚商学院、达特茅斯学院、麻省理工、纽约大学、宾夕法尼亚大学和耶鲁大学担任过招生官,因此由他们来剖析这份文书还是比较权威的。


从反馈来看,整体而言,大家对这份文书的评价是确实非常出众,有种“鹤立鸡群”的感觉,不论是在内容上还是在写作手法上。而且这几位专家都说,一旦你开始阅读,就会被一直吸引着读下去,想看看Stinson的故事后来都是怎么发展下去的




开篇

一个不按常理出牌的开头



首先是对文书开头的评价:




Brittany 的开篇就不是按部就班写的,“拦腰折断”,毫无征兆地开始讲述一个故事。写得有点让人困惑,摸不着头脑,所以你就边读边想‘这人到底是想说点啥’?”


“通过这篇文章,我们可以看到Brittany的可爱个性,她的兴趣爱好,她非凡的写作能力,而且相信每一个去过Costco的读者都会对她的描述有种身临其境的感觉。”

——Nelson Ureña




Nelson Ureña是康奈尔的本科生招生官,他说道:“她的写作手法是吸引读者,迫使他们不得不往下读的范本。等到读到接下来几段,故事才渐渐明朗,就好像面对突如其来的光芒瞳孔需要放大适应的感觉,画面感油然而生。”


达特茅斯的前招生办主任David Jiang也被这位姑娘的文书深深吸引:


“作为招生办的工作人员,短时间内要看成百上千的申请文书,所以一封文书想要在诸多的对手当中脱颖而出是有难度的,必须要足够独一无二,足够令人难忘。”


“之所以她的这份文书会让人眼前一亮,主要还是归功于她对自己想法的完美架构。当我在看第一段的时候,看到一个2岁的女孩在Costco疯狂找免费小样的时候我就很好奇,这文章到底后面会怎么写?”

 



词汇

言简意赅,用词精准是法宝



Nelson Ureña还提到,Brittany的词汇量非常大,通篇用词非常高级


“我注意到Brittany的动词都用得很传神,如果你回头看,将所有文中的动词圈出来,你会发现她用的动词都是精心挑选过的,这些动词不光是在表达一种动作,同时也在传递一种情感。比如像横冲直撞(rampaging),快速奔跑(sprint),形容在货架间探索(navigate),高耸的(towered)等等。


他给出了一条建设性意见:学生在写文书的时候切忌表达累赘,用词简洁表意精准才是应该追求的。




他说道:“除了文书,我们对Brittany知之甚少,所以就非常渴望可以进一步了解这个对事物充满好奇心的、精明睿智的、能说会道的年轻女孩。


宾夕法尼亚大学沃顿商学院的前招生办副主任Dr. Aviva Hirschfeld Legatt说道:“从本科招生官的角度来看,让那些在众多的申请者当中脱颖而出的人都是基于一点:对文书的好感度高那些可以让我们通过阅读想象到背后这个世界独一无二的个体的文书就是好文书。”




热爱

知识,强烈的求知欲是每个学校的期冀




Marisa Zepeda,麻省理工和耶鲁的招生工作人员,她认为Brittany所讲述的这个故事在第四段到了关键时刻。


Marisa Zepeda说:“在这一段里,Brittany和读者分享了一个用于尝试新事物,而且是发自内心地热爱学习的自己,这也是正是每一所大学对学生的期待。






各花

入各眼,文书内容充实很重要



当然,对于一份文书的好坏判断主观性很强,所谓各花入各眼。


Lamin Kamara,曾在哥伦比亚,汉密尔顿还有纽约大学的招生办工作,她说她喜欢这篇文书,但是还是有很多可以提高的地方。


“虽然我不认为这是我见过的最好的文书之一,但是我觉得她把自己的求知欲和购物的好奇心融合在一起,还是很有创意的。但同时我认为她可以讲得更充实一点,因为单纯就文书而言,我不觉得非常耀眼。”


但是无论如何,她都是她所在母校(Concord High School)的骄傲。她每一年都是整个学校的第一名,GPA加权达到4.9,不加权4.0。


和另外一个拿到常青藤大学offer的女生一样,Brittany主攻的也是理工科。刚刚过去的夏天,她参加了麻省理工的科学、技术工程、数学项目,也参与了天体物理学和科学写作的相关课程。





以下是文书全文,有兴趣的童鞋不妨观摩一下:


Managing to break free from my mother’s grasp, I charged. With arms flailing and chubby legs fluttering beneath me, I was the ferocious two­ year old rampaging through Costco on a Saturday morning. My mother’s eyes widened in horror as I jettisoned my churro; the cinnamon-­sugar rocket gracefully sliced its way through the air while I continued my spree. I sprinted through the aisles, looking up in awe at the massive bulk products that towered over me. Overcome with wonder, I wanted to touch and taste, to stick my head into industrial­ sized freezers, to explore every crevice. I was a conquistador, but rather than searching the land for El Dorado, I scoured aisles for free samples. Before inevitably being whisked away into a shopping cart, I scaled a mountain of plush toys and surveyed the expanse that lay before me: the kingdom of Costco.


Notorious for its oversized portions and dollar-­fifty hot dog combo, Costco is the apex of consumerism. From the days spent being toted around in a shopping cart to when I was finally tall enough to reach lofty sample trays, Costco has endured a steady presence throughout my life. As a veteran Costco shopper, I navigate the aisles of foodstuffs, thrusting the majority of my weight upon a generously filled shopping cart whose enormity juxtaposes my small frame. Over time, I’ve developed a habit of observing fellow patrons tote their carts piled with frozen burritos, cheese puffs, tubs of ice cream, and weight­-loss supplements. Perusing the aisles gave me time to ponder. Who needs three pounds of sour cream? Was cultured yogurt any more well­mannered than its uncultured counterpart? Costco gave birth to my unfettered curiosity.


While enjoying an obligatory hot dog, I did not find myself thinking about the “all beef” goodness that Costco boasted. I instead considered finitudes and infinitudes, unimagined uses for tubs of sour cream, the projectile motion of said tub when launched from an eighty foot shelf or maybe when pushed from a speedy cart by a scrawny seventeen year old. I contemplated the philosophical: If there exists a thirty-­three ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will? I experienced a harsh physics lesson while observing a shopper who had no evident familiarity of inertia’s workings. With a cart filled to overflowing, she made her way towards the sloped exit, continuing to push and push while steadily losing control until the cart escaped her and went crashing into a concrete column, 52-inch plasma screen TV and all. Purchasing the yuletide hickory smoked ham inevitably led to a conversation between my father and me about Andrew Jackson’s controversiality. There was no questioning Old Hickory’s dedication; he was steadfast in his beliefs and pursuits—qualities I am compelled to admire, yet his morals were crooked. We both found the ham to be more likable–and tender.


I adopted my exploratory skills, fine-tuned by Costco, towards my intellectual endeavors. Just as I sampled buffalo­-chicken dip or chocolate truffles, I probed the realms of history, dance and biology, all in pursuit of the ideal cart–one overflowing with theoretical situations and notions both silly and serious. I sampled calculus, cross­-country running, scientific research, all of which are now household favorites. With cart in hand, I do what scares me; I absorb the warehouse that is the world. Whether it be through attempting aerial yoga, learning how to chart blackbody radiation using astronomical software, or dancing in front of hundreds of people, I am compelled to try any activity that interests me in the slightest.


My intense desire to know, to explore beyond the bounds of rational thought; this is what defines me. Costco fuels my insatiability and cultivates curiosity within me at a cellular level. Encoded to immerse myself in the unknown, I find it difficult to complacently accept the “what”; I want to hunt for the “whys” and dissect the “hows”. In essence, I subsist on discovery.

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